STARS

Monday around 2 am we lost power in our house. I woke up to a hot and stuffy room and dead silence. I asked Sam what was going on with the air and he said the power was out. Then I asked if he could run outside and reset the power, but he pointed to the street lamp outside to prove it was out on our block. It was hard going back to sleep but I finally did, only to wake up super late and exhausted that morning.

Since I had my laptop with me I opted to just work from home rather than be extremely late and drive in traffic, because there is ALWAYS traffic on 635. But it didn’t go as smoothly as I thought. The power did come back on at some point during the night, but our internet was out completely.

Do you ever have those days? It’s just one thing after the other? Or your plan B, soon becomes C, then D? Well, that was the start of my Monday.

It took some maneuvering to get online and work. I used my phone as a personal hotspot but the connection was spotty and I could only log on for brief periods of time. It was a mess and I felt like a crazy woman trying to connect with the outside world!

So far I’ve only given you the play-by-play of my morning to describe the events of what took place, but what I haven’t described to you, however, is how it made me feel. I took a Myers-Briggs test a few months ago for work and it turns out I’m 100% feeling. Which means I lead my life based on my feelings (imagine that). I think it’s safe to say that if I feel like I’m letting someone down, it affects me. If I feel like I’m not doing something right, it bothers me. If I’m at all, in any way, shape, or form, made to look bad, regardless if it’s my fault, I feel it, and it sucks!

So that morning I felt it. Big Time!

The thing is though, the whole time we were on the phone with Verizon, or setting/resetting the router, using hot-spots, etc..my mind was reeling. Like it would not turn off.

I was kicking myself for getting up late. I was thinking of what I could do to make this process go faster. I was thinking about what the hell they’ll think of me at work. Then in one swift move, I was thinking of all the crap I had to do at home if I couldn’t work and just took a PTO day instead. Then I freaked out because I had an online class that night! It was like hitting the fast forward button on a remote and it had been maybe 5 minutes. And I’m pretty sure I just gave one of my reader’s anxiety right now. 🙂

Side note: the other day I was talking to Sam and he said it must be exhausting being in my headspace. Truer words have never been spoken.

So here’s what happened the remainder of the day. I logged in. I downloaded the spreadsheets I was currently working on and worked on them. I was available if anyone needed me and oddly enough they didn’t. I checked my email and never had anything I couldn’t handle. I was available to my co-workers as they pinged me throughout the day. Then I finished my work, uploaded my spreadsheets and I was done. Simple. As. That.

Later that day, I opened up a book I’m currently reading called Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist. The chapter I opened up to is called “Stars”, where she talks about quieting all the noise around you and the importance of listening to the space in between. The last thing she said in that chapter, which hit home with me is this:

“In the city, you can’t see the stars for the city lights. But at the lake, and in the country, the stars are so bright you can practically read by them. And that’s what I’m finding: when I get out of the city – the noise and chaos, the screaming intensity – then I can see the stars. And they’re beautiful!”

What I learned that day is this: There are some things that I can not control. Sometimes, maybe not by choice, I have to be still and listen. Then when I’ve done that and truly settled my mind and spirit, that’s when this other force takes over. I wouldn’t have felt it if I didn’t finally give in to the fact that things were out of my control. And to be honest, it was the most peaceful I’ve felt in a long time.

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